Backstory

The short backstory: When I graduated with my undergraduate degree in architecture, I was burned out of school. My penultimate semester was fantastic- up until that point, the highlight of my life, so for obvious reasons, my last semester was a bit of a letdown after that. I did some good work but I was beat, and in no mood to apply for graduate schools. I was anxious to work and in fact didn't even take a month off before launching myself into a full-time job.

I had intended to work for a year and go back to school, but after working six months, I was finally learning to relax and I didn't get my act together to apply in the winter of '07. Didn't even really think about it too hard. It just kind of happened that I did nothing. I worked some more. I figured two years is a good amount of time to work, and started working on applying late in year of '08. I made lists, created a portfolio, did some preliminary research, and ultimately did nothing towards applying. I sincerely wanted to find a school that would emphasise the direction I wanted my future career to take, and that internal debate crippled my action. The window of applications passed again. In 2009, it started to feel like "now or never" and I figured I'd almost rather go to ASU than not go to any graduate school.

I shot really really high. Enlisting the aid of my teachers and business associates, I applied at some of the best schools in the country. Saori and I drafted dream lists that closely resembled one anothers, although our preferences for top schools differed. At any rate, we applied for all the same schools, and Saori applied at two additional schools. Washington University was one of her suggestions, and after doing some research, I added it to my list as well.

Fast forward four months- Utah and WashU both accepted us, and none of the other schools did. It was kind of a blow for me, but not as bad as when I didn't get into Rice for my woefully clueless undergraduate application. If I had not applied to WashU, I would have gone to Utah, which has its own advantages, but to have been rejected from Rice and Berkeley, where I thought my chances had been fair, that felt like misjudgement on my part. Definite misjudgement on Rice, which only offers 12 seats anyway.

Washington University in St.Louis is a great school- its probably one of the top 10 programs in the country. It's private, looks a lot like one of those old prestigious universities, and St. Louis will let us keep a quality of life comparable to what we have here in Phoenix. Everyone I've talked who graduated from the school or currently attending has nothing but rave things to say about it. But I'm not excited. I don't mean it as a snub- I'm incredibly lucky to have been selected. It just doesn't make my heart sing.

Maybe it's the silver medal effect- my own latent superiority complex that tells me I'm a genius architect that needs to go the best school in the world. It's totally ridiculous and egotistical, but nagging nonetheless.

Maybe part of it is my own inertia and fear of change. I've been living the life of a salaryman, paid vacations, walking to work, Saori making lunch for me every day, and its a little scary going back into an environment where our daily patterns get shot to hell, my sleep is cut in half, and I have to kick my brain back into high gear. Three years of professional work has a way of smothering the brain, and I'm worried about my levels of creativity and commitment to design, knowing what's waiting on the "real world." Part of my mental preparation is going to be building up that motivation by focusing on that core, that nugget upon which all else rests, that will be the only thing to carry me through studio.

At the same time, part of it may be fear of more of the same. That my life will not really change at all, at the heart of things, and that this move to St. Louis is simply the next step in a slide to mediocrity. To be honest, for the past few years, I've let myself be content to slide. Not really working hard on getting my experience logged, getting experience here and there, getting LEED certified, but not pushing myself on my own standards.

I'm nervous about money too. I've never been a starving student- I've watched my expenses, but my tuition was covered through scholarship at ASU, and I've always had a safety net. I don't know what this school is going to set me back ultimately, and how long it will take for me to get out of it's debt. Architecture graduate schools is not as expensive as law or medicine, almost, but not quite, but then architects don't make nearly as much as lawyers of doctors. So it's really down to what you make of it. When I started this search, as well, I looked at program- not at cost.

Perhaps my lack of enthusiasm is really one of reflection- consideration of the epic task of rising to the challenge of graduate school, to work at the level that I need be working at, and with a further eye to the future. A mountaineer who has just won a spot on the Everest ascent team does not exactly hop around.