Some of my more astute readers have probably noticed this more than myself, but I've realized that I am really having a hard time giving this city a chance for me to like it. Do I want to like St.Louis? This question is giving me pause, which is odd since I'd think any idiot would want to like the city he's in, regardless. I wish I liked St.Louis as much as I liked New Orleans, so I guess the answer to the previous question is a qualified "yes."
Additionally, when I moved out here, I was bitter about attending a school that in my mind, was towards the bottom of the list of the schools to which I applied. Since, I've realized that I'm at a fantastic school and have come to appreciate the quality of the courses, faculty, and most of all, the students. But that initial bitterness became associated with the city itself.
It's also hard for me to look at the city and appreciate it on its own terms. Coming from Phoenix, Arizona, I can't help but note the spectacular lack of ethnic diversity (and the food culture which it brings), as well as the bitterly miserable winters. Phoenix is a boomtown, still on ascension. St.Louis has fallen a long way and is still struggling to cope with that trauma. I'm having a harder time finding what makes this city a great place to be.
In theory, I should like it a lot more- there's a lot of craft breweries, the meat and cheeses are great, and there's a lot of great old architecture with lots of potential. The people here are generally friendly, and there's some supposedly great local cultural ammenties. Movie theaters with bars and old leather couches for seats. The city museum. The bar and club scene. Downtown revitalization. A day-by-day struggle and attempt by the city to redefine itself which is really a fascinating and fantastic thing to be a part of.
And I've felt really disengaged from all of that. There's a Tado Ando designed museum here where he brought in Japanese concrete workers. There aren't that many US works by Ando. I havn't been there. Ditto for the contemporary art museums. Ditto for the downtown citygarden, hailed locally as a fantastic urban public intervention. Mom had to drag me up to the top of the arch.
I don't even really hate this city- it not like Tulsa or Memphis where my initial reaction was to get through it as quickly as possible with as little contact with the city as possible. It's just kind of there, like a dog you always pass in the street without bending down to pet it. I've never lived someplace where I've been so ambivalent.
Part of it may be that I don't want to get attached to it, as stupid as that sounds. I don't really know what I want to do architecturally anymore, so I can't really say with any reason that I don't want to work in St.Louis, but for me it feels like "if I'm working in St.Louis, I might as well be working in Phoenix."
And I'm sure that if I was born and raised in St.Louis and moved to Phoenix for school, my reaction would be completely the same, chastising Phoenix for its St.Louis deficiencies. It's also hard to find love for a city that I never see. My world revolves around studio and so my interactions with it are the spaces between. Walking through the St.Louis weather in mid-January. Trying to find a decent place to get some food after studio. Waiting for the bus. Pizza runs to Papa Johns. Grocery shopping and personal property taxes. The urban form out here in U city is pretty bland. This is my interface with the city, and with that in mind, it makes it an uphill battle as far as city appreciation is concerned.
Also mixed into this is my general moodiness and the lack of vitamin-D producing sunshine. I hate feeling so miserable and apathetic- nobody wants to hang around someone like that, least of all me, especially since I subscribe to the belief that people who are unhappy choose to be that way, and I don't want to think that I'm the type of person who chooses to be unhappy.
So I guess that really I can't wait for St.Louis to grow on me- too late for that. I have to make more of a concerted effort to appreciate things that are uniquely St.Louis, perhaps starting with the list of the five things that make me happy:
Additionally, when I moved out here, I was bitter about attending a school that in my mind, was towards the bottom of the list of the schools to which I applied. Since, I've realized that I'm at a fantastic school and have come to appreciate the quality of the courses, faculty, and most of all, the students. But that initial bitterness became associated with the city itself.
It's also hard for me to look at the city and appreciate it on its own terms. Coming from Phoenix, Arizona, I can't help but note the spectacular lack of ethnic diversity (and the food culture which it brings), as well as the bitterly miserable winters. Phoenix is a boomtown, still on ascension. St.Louis has fallen a long way and is still struggling to cope with that trauma. I'm having a harder time finding what makes this city a great place to be.
In theory, I should like it a lot more- there's a lot of craft breweries, the meat and cheeses are great, and there's a lot of great old architecture with lots of potential. The people here are generally friendly, and there's some supposedly great local cultural ammenties. Movie theaters with bars and old leather couches for seats. The city museum. The bar and club scene. Downtown revitalization. A day-by-day struggle and attempt by the city to redefine itself which is really a fascinating and fantastic thing to be a part of.
And I've felt really disengaged from all of that. There's a Tado Ando designed museum here where he brought in Japanese concrete workers. There aren't that many US works by Ando. I havn't been there. Ditto for the contemporary art museums. Ditto for the downtown citygarden, hailed locally as a fantastic urban public intervention. Mom had to drag me up to the top of the arch.
I don't even really hate this city- it not like Tulsa or Memphis where my initial reaction was to get through it as quickly as possible with as little contact with the city as possible. It's just kind of there, like a dog you always pass in the street without bending down to pet it. I've never lived someplace where I've been so ambivalent.
Part of it may be that I don't want to get attached to it, as stupid as that sounds. I don't really know what I want to do architecturally anymore, so I can't really say with any reason that I don't want to work in St.Louis, but for me it feels like "if I'm working in St.Louis, I might as well be working in Phoenix."
And I'm sure that if I was born and raised in St.Louis and moved to Phoenix for school, my reaction would be completely the same, chastising Phoenix for its St.Louis deficiencies. It's also hard to find love for a city that I never see. My world revolves around studio and so my interactions with it are the spaces between. Walking through the St.Louis weather in mid-January. Trying to find a decent place to get some food after studio. Waiting for the bus. Pizza runs to Papa Johns. Grocery shopping and personal property taxes. The urban form out here in U city is pretty bland. This is my interface with the city, and with that in mind, it makes it an uphill battle as far as city appreciation is concerned.
Also mixed into this is my general moodiness and the lack of vitamin-D producing sunshine. I hate feeling so miserable and apathetic- nobody wants to hang around someone like that, least of all me, especially since I subscribe to the belief that people who are unhappy choose to be that way, and I don't want to think that I'm the type of person who chooses to be unhappy.
So I guess that really I can't wait for St.Louis to grow on me- too late for that. I have to make more of a concerted effort to appreciate things that are uniquely St.Louis, perhaps starting with the list of the five things that make me happy:
- Family and close friends
- Travel
- Good food
- Music
- Making other people or creatures happy - (I guess this is where design comes in)
Hey, look at that, design and architecture didn't even directly make the list. There's a kind of satisfaction, a purposeful groove I get into when I'm designing, but its too complicated, too frustrating to call it happiness.
And lets just leave it at that. I've been accused several times this semester of overthinking. And perhaps over-blogging falls into that category as well.
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