SuperBowl!

There's a story that's gone around Facebook since the beginning of social media. The one about how a man was going to cheat on his wife, but he finds out that she's got cancer so he feels like he should go through the motions until she passes away, and finds out that by going through the motions, he rediscovers his love and its all very weepy and touchy and never actually happened.

There are numerous variations of this very old idea that by 'practicing' and envisioning ourselves doing something, by going through the motions, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. This is why you are supposed to look in the mirror every morning and say, "I am a confident, calm, and competent individual."

I have tried this with sports to no avail. Today, I tried to sit down and enjoy the SuperBowl. I bought good beer to lower my entertainment standards. I bought roasted peanuts to give my hands and mouth something to do. I asked "who is ready for some football?"

I picked a side going in. I tried to root for the Broncos. Larry's sons live in Denver. I've actually been to Colorado. Nice state. Plus, I think Arizona is closer to Colorado as a cultural region than it is to Washington.

Nothing.

No sustained interest. I was more captivated by the commercials, and frankly, by PuppyBowlX, which at least has the advantage of being deliberately tongue-in-cheek. I wanted a more interesting game. I wanted the Broncos to score some points so that it would feel less like a rout. This morning, I probably could have told you Payton Manning was a football player and that Sherman was a Union general.

The commercials were a mixture of stupid, strange, off-the-mark, and saccharine insipid, but at least you could see the money on the screen.

Jeep had a commercial which felt like it was directed at mid-twenties crisis hipsters with 1920's sun dresses, facial hair, fire, music, and stoned-out crap like "Stillness kills us. Are you restless?" The only thing missing some some locally roasted coffee in mason jars and ironic mustaches.

There was the painful Bob Dylan shill for Chrysler, supposedly his first commercial endorsement. Twitter immediately erupted with accusations of selling out and speaking coherently. This is the US,  a neoliberal capitalist system: "selling out" is the American Dream. Although it's been awhile since I've heard anything as stupid as "There is nothing more 'merican than 'merica." And the whole thing about Chrysler being owned by Fiat.

There was the usual Hollow Salute to the Troops (we love the idea of soldiers fighting for America and the idea of soldiers coming home, but we're not going to, you know, actually try to push for changes in the broken VA system or, shudder, hire any of them). It was nice of Belgian corporate empire InBev to pay for the small-town homecoming parade anyway.

And what the was that Butterfinger ad? Peanut Butter and Chocolate are at relationship counseling and Butterfinger jumps in to the obvious discomfort of everyone except Chocolate. Is it an open relationship? Polyamory? Did Peanut Butter just get cuckolded? Whatever it was was a little disturbing.

Coke's ad with "America the Beautiful" sung in different languages was par for the "diversity" theme of its past advertising. (I'd like to buy the world a coke, anyone?). The bigots who were outraged by singing the song in a language other than the one we imported from the UK would do well to remember that 1) they are, or will soon be, the minorities in this this country, and 2) Coke isn't targeting you anyway- Coke's major revenue streams are providing diabetes to developing and minority populations.