Break

Last night after a failed attempt a nap in studio, I started working on the final model. I'm making it out of my old study model since it involves a considerable amount of cardboard in the base. After looking at the other people's boards in studio, I felt ashamed of my boards, both in the quality of the computer renderings and in the sophistication of the layout. Looking at the boards, it really depressed me of where my project ended up. I think I had a really interesting conceptual framework which I didn't defend as strongly as I should have, and I think I lost a significiant opportunity. I feel very frustrated because this project had the potential to be something really sublime, and I didn't have the strength or the ability to really bring it to its fullest potential. The floorplan is workable, the main gesture is strong, but the details and how it interfaces the fence- the core of the the project concept- is BORING and CONVENTIONAL and TRITE. My peers think I'm not giving myself enough credit, and they say they like my boards. It's probably significant that I'm presenting first- my presentation is usually confident and professional- I'm the employee of the month in S----'s Architecture Office of Architecture Students. I realized today that he's running this class like a mini firm.
This paradigm has several significant implications- first off, he sees himself as the prinicpal rather than the instructor, and thus views our work in terms of his office, pushing his designs on our work. He's also going to be viewing our work from a very practical standpoint rather than theoretical. I think its much more important for students to focus on concept and idea. We'll get plenty of mundane reality in our internships and jobs. I also learned today that that head of of architecture division will be one of the reviewers for the first group. No wonder S---- has his favorites presenting first.

Anyway, back to last night, all this stuff is going through my head, I'm very tired, irrtiable, and dissapointed. I decide to call it a night, as soon I'm worried that I'll begin to take it out on the model. (who wants to work on something they hate? natural quality comes from working on something you love.) So I went home, showered, grabbed a bowl of chili and a beer, and plopped on the couch and watched a little tube. Afterwards, I went to bed, planning on getting 6 hours of sleep. Six hours later, I reset my alarm for another sleep cycle. At the end of that one, I got up and set again. So I got 9 hours of sleep last night. Woke up feeling better about my project, thinking about all the positive things about it, the really cool views you get, etc. Came back to studio and been working on my model and the BS boards we have to do (OUR studio was assigned two extra 30x40 boards to do). So now those are all printed out, and now all that remains is the model.

Dr. Morton brought us a big carton of strawberries and grapes from the big faculty gathering today. We've really been fortunate to have this guy teach us. I've never had a professor bring food to people in studio.

Studio is very tense and edgy right now. People are frustrated, extremely sleep deprived, humorless, absolutely stressed out to the max. People are quick to take offence and our studio is especially pissed off at our instructor for the BS work we have to do. Too many people are still laying out thier boards on the computer. The school printer opens at 8 AM tomorrow and reviews start at 9 AM. Anyway, I havn't though at all about what I'm going to say at my review. I'll have to meditate on it tonight. Back to the model.

Once more, I can't believe its been a year. A year ago, I was getting ready to go to Europe with Chase. A year of such intensity and experiance, exhileranting, and crushing. What will I think when I look back on it in twenty years time? Relief to have a more stable life? Nostalgia for the studio and the architecture student life? Regret for opportunities missed? Longing for simpler, less stressful times?

Anyway, back to model making.