Remainders

I am sitting on a plane to Stuttgart, after a five hour layover in Atlanta made more tolerable by the availablity of local craft beers. With every flight, I am called up to the check in desk and my credientials verified. Delta is having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I am an American citizen who lives in Germany, and does not have a return ticket.

Anyway.

Grandma Betty left us a week ago friday. She did not want to go. She loved this world and the people in it. But it was not to be. Ultimately, she came to terms with what lay ahead of her with her characteristic grace and spirit of adventure.

I landed in Oklahoma City sunday afternoon where I met Tay and Larry who had driven down from Ponca to pick up me and my cousin Danny, who works as a stock trader in Chicago, transforming volitility into profits. I was a bit loopy from exhaustion and 20 hours of travel, and chattered intermittantly on the two hour ride into Ponca.

It was great to see everyone again, but especially mom whom I had not seen in about eight months. It had been years since I last saw Kim and Tracy and their kids. Mom pulled me into the master bedroom with Brenda and Aunt Kim, and we all picked out jewellry for Saori.

Sunday night, there was food at the house, but I do not remember who brought it. Everyone was already there save for Jenny who would be arriving monday. Danny had a hotel room to himself, all the children and their spouses slept in the various bedrooms, and I decamped on the leather couch in the TV room. Carrie had the office, which provided her with a bit of a sanctuary from the social bustle of the greiving household.

Monday morning, mom, Larry, Tay and I made a run to Braums to pick up breakfast. We ordered 20 breakfast sandwiches, plus fifteen orders of hashbrowns from the disbelieving cashier who drily asked if we wanted our order to go.

Brenda took lead of organizing everything. She dictated a list to mom of all the things we needed to do. Sell the car, find a realtor, paint the house, lne up the housecleaner, make duplcate keys for everyone, dispose of the house contents, cancel credit cards, phones, newspapers, and cable. Figure out what to do about Tina's trust. Sit down with the lawyer and go over all the financial estate and the will. Go through the house and handpick the things to keep, locate and shred sensitive documents.

She delegated and people claimed tasks. Since I was going to claim grandma's newish phablet, I took care of canceling the cell service, and took over for David in directing the painter.

Monday was really a blur. At one point, we went to the visitation at the Funeral Home. Her mouth did not look right, and neither did grandpa Cases when he passed away. They had dressed grandma in a light teal suit, and her gold earrings which I always associated with her. The casket was pecan, the same stain as her kitchen cabinets. It just looked right.

Later, the four of us played a few rounds of daihime which I won handily. For the crown, I used the "a case is better than a six pack" hat that someone made many years ago.

I think we had fajitas for dinner, that Tracy ordered from Chili's. The entire week, I slept terribly. Waking up with thirst, with jet lag, with bizzare dreams. Everyone drank a lot, especially sunday and monday night.

Tina called to say she was going to come. She drove up from Tulsa, a little less than a two hour drive. She arrived at the house half past midnight and called Brenda. Brenda told her to get a hotel room.

Sunday morning we ate reheated and uneaten breakfast sandwiches from the night before. We dressed up and went to the Woodlands Church, where they tried to stick us in a dingy old sunday school classroom before the service. We unanimously decided that it wasn't for us and trooped back upstairs and became part of the informal greeting group, welcoming people for the service.

I wore my dark navy blazer. Should have rented a suit. And gotten a shave and a haircut. Oh well. What's the quote about half of credit is just showing up?

I sat between Tay and Tina at the service. Her neice Patti, a minister in the same church in Indy, spoke as did her usual minister. I felt a special emphasis on faith, and the importance of her Church. The minister talked about the conversations they had in the hospital, where grandma expressed her simple anxiety about not knowing how to die, and how she led him in prayer. They played a snippet of her recorded interview with Patti's daughter, from a few years ago, which was odd and a little sad to her bright voice again. Jenny got up and sang "For Good" accompanied by the piantist. Lots and lots of flowers. Saori's boquet was front and center, and almost all of them were pink, which was one of Grandma Betty's favorite colors.

We sang a few songs, there was a short announcement about lunch, and that was it. I was a pallbearer. Once again, I joined my brother in carrying the casket to the waiting hearse. We waited around with the other pallbearers while people started leaving for the cemetery. In addition to me, there was Tay, Carrie, Robbie, Jimmy, and his son. Jimmie and I chatted about black powder hunting and noodling on the way. Our limo and hearse had a police escort to the cemetary.

I had worried because the forecast was rain, but the weather was cool and overcast, and steadily improved over the week to become the most beautiful weather I've ever seen in Oklahoma.

Let me tell you, caskets are heavy things. It's not so much the weight of the remains inside as much as it is all the heavy wood. Tay a really hard time with it, since I got the two Oklahoma hunters on my side, and Tay was just assisted by Danny and Carrie. But we managed. We stood in a line behind the casket while a very short service was given at the grave including the reading of a cloying 'native american' poem about being a part of the world and not really dying.

Actually, it was a nice service after all. It really doesn't matter which hymns were sung, or poems read, or even the content of the service. It was a gathering of people who had loved her or had been touched by her, and a time to mourn together. You really can't ask for anything more than that. Leave 'dignity' to those trying to sell you something, like the funeral home and the estate sale organizers.

We drove back to the church, where the sanctuary had been transformed into a dining hall, with long tables running the length. Grandma Betty had provided for a luncheon for her entire Church, which was catered by a local outfit who gave Casey a bit of trouble because thier phones were disconnected.

But they delivered. Ham, fried chicken, fried catfish, potatoes, green beans, fresh hot rolls, and lots of iced sweet tea. It was all reallly good. I was really happy that she didn't ask Chick'n Millie's to cater it.

We went back to the house. A few guests came by. Tay and Jenny and Danny had to throw their things together and jump in the car to catch their flight out of Tulsa. The realtor came by, and discussions with him took awhile. Uncle Bob brought over grilled steaks and his family who also came for the funeral. Amy and her husband provided the steaks.