Weekend

Ben's completely moved out of the apartment. He'll come back tomorrow to do some last minute stuff, and theny he'll be gone. It's strange when I think about the evolution of our relationship. In the dorms, we were pretty much aquantainces, who sort of knew each other but weren't really friends. We helped each other move in, hung out with Jen and Amy upstairs and we all did stuff togather. We used to go walk to get dinner and it was usual for us to make dinner togather like a pot of spagetti or something. As my relationship with Jen progressed, it became a wedge bewteeen us, not because Ben liked Jen, but because she and I were spending a lot of time togather I know from experiance the jealously and discontent of not having a girlfriend while a relationship is blossoming in front of you. I began to hear complaints about me through Jen whom Ben held as a confidant and friend. I know that he hated Suki, disliked my messes, and disliked the way I'd open multiple boxes of cereal at once. All valid criticisms. I not messy person- I am actually a fastideously clean person who happens to procrastinate cleaning a whole lot. We never fought, we were usually considerate to each other and polite in conversation. We even still made dinner togather occationally. We'd share the basic cooking ingrediants and drink each other's beverages- asking permission first and not abusing the invitation. After Jen and I split, she became his friend again and took him to costco a few times. SIn any event, it's been a far more smooth roomateship than I could have asked for. Two years, no fighting or arguments, no utilities cut off because someone forgot the bill, no problems with theft, security, or safety. Good converstaions about war and history, both monty python fanatics.o we come to today, leaving each other as aquaintances once more. I wish I could have been a better roomate: Ben hated being by himself in the apartment, and I was always at studio. I can understand him now. Nothing to do, sitting alone at my computer, the horror of the uninterrupted silence for hours and hours.

So here we part. Two years ago, I was a freshman finished with my first year of college, and Ben ready to take on a major in history. Now I'm finished with my third year of college, working in architecture office, and Ben is starting anew at Savannah in furnature and set design. I boyfriended and broke up with Jen, she and her roomate Amy moved into a condo and then acrimoniously split up with Amy leaving mid-semester.

I think I know why I so uneasy lately. I've settled into a comfortable routine of living and I'm approaching some radical shifts. The routine, the coming home every night to the same bed, the wild busy days, that routine is home. When my routine shifts, it exposes the fact that I have no true home. It's the dark side of living internationally- when the world is your home, there's no one place thats really yours. I hate all my stuff but I can't part with individual items. I brought a massive load down to Goodwill today, including most of my VHS tapes that mom tried to get rid of before she moved. The waiting is the worst. I know I'm going to have a great time in Buenos Aires and a good final semester at ASU, but its so much blank tape its a little daunting.