Feb 10, 2014

Anxieties

I've been having trouble sleeping. I feel a lot of anxiety and my dreams have grown memorably more disturbing lately. I really don't do well with life changes. I remember feeling awful and filled with doubts and fear when I first arrived to Mexico City. My paranoia goes through the roof. I was convinced that the Mexican government was going to discover that I was working, and throw me in some hellhole prison.

While I was looking for work, I was just depressed and anxious about whether or not I'd find something, would it be in the US, would it be in Europe, would I run out money or suffer a brain tumor without health insurance? Now that I have something relatively promising, I'm anxious about whether or not the job will pan out, are my skills up to what they expect, will my health hold out until I get to Europe (did I mention paranoia?), all the things we need to set up a life in Germany. I feel strange and listless.

Mom and Larry are also moving so they've got higher stress levels, especially mom. Everyone's pretty calm, but the house in disarray with boxes everywhere is especially hard because it's one of the few things which is supposed to be a source of stability. Although they've signed, you really can't breathe a sigh of relief until the movers are gone.

I find list-making helps. I should really get back into meditation. Exercise also helps, so today I went out and ran for forty minutes. I counted off my stretching time in German. And spent a few hours working in Rhino brushing up my technical skills.

One thing off my worry list is filing taxes. I worked in 2013 (in Mexico) but because I earned so little income, I don't have to file. Which is good, because I was paid with checks which I cashed at Mexican banks, and the motto of Mexico is "off the books." There are some advantages to living with tax attorneys.
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