surprising facts about Mexico City

There are a lot of misconceptions about Mexico City, so I thought I would take the time to enlighten readers with some surprising things that perhaps they didn't know.

The city is run and controlled by the leader of the Tortas cartel, an enigmatic woman known simply as "Rica." While the national government used to govern the Distro Federal, or "Daffy" as the locals call it, Rica's network of Ronin enforcers coupled with a city-wide food distribution network simply muscled out the federal government. Today you can walk down any street and find dozens of of her pavillions, clearly marked with "Ricas Tortas" where locals can meet thier representatives one-to-one, air greivances, and get some delicious sandwiches.

 

There are actually no cars in Mexico City. The pollution got to be so bad back in the motorimg days, that the Rica simply laid down the law and everyone had to get rid of thier cars.  Everyone either walks, rollerblades, or bicycles. The police are the only exception.

Mexico City has the largest population of samurai in the world. During the modernization of the Japanese Meiji restoration, huge numbers of Ronin and nearly all of the Ninja clans fled to Mexico, most of them settling in Mexico City. While some went to work for the cartels, many found employment with the city as park rangers.

After Rica's coup, the entire police force of the city found themselves out of work. In the US, when police cruisers turn on thier flashing lights, it means they're trying to pull you over. Here in Mexico City, the police drive around with lights flashing all the time to indicate that they're available for hire. Less fortunate officers have resorted to selling riot gear on popular streets.

Many people have seen the skull cartoon engravings by Mexican engraver Jose Posada, but few know that he was actually born with no skin or muscles on his face, and he spent his life raising awareness for the extremely rare skull-head syndrome.

The Centers for Disease Control has issued medical advisories for travel to Mexico City, as there is currently an epidemic striking large numbers of people with weakened immune systems and especially the elderly. The disease is known locally as Danzon and symptoms include waltzing movements, repeated turns in place, and shuffling. Many suffer the delusion of returning to decades prior, and affect the dress of the early 20th century.

The city is actually protected by vigilantes in superhero costumes. With the police out of work, and the samurai limiting their efforts to places with trees in which to hide, a ragtag army of Iron Men, Mad Hatters, Marios, Luigis, Doras the Explorer, and Chavos have donned constumes and patrol the streets. They form a particuarly heavy presence in the popular historic district to maintain order

Due to the high population density, most houses are only ten feet wide. This allows many families to squeeze into the street. This is also the reason that Mexicans eat tortillas instead of loaves of bread. Turned sideways, its possible to have a lot more tortillas than slices of bread in the narrow kitchens.

Mexico City is actually a thin urban ring around jungle filled with highly dangerous insects and animals. The Aztecs revered and feared these creatures and created many sculptures of thier likenesses, many of which survive today.

There is an religious order which plays music to encourage suicide. Throughout the city, you can find many adherants to the Orden de Musica Cosmica easily recognizable in their brown habits, hats, and hand cranked organs. This male-only sect believes that God is trying to call everyone home and so the faithful produce incessant, droning, horrifying music intended to drive listeners to suicide, while other members hold out thier hats for alms.